Support

Support yourself

• remember: your reactions are normal and there is support available. It’s a difficult phase but you will get through. Be patient with yourself: just like physical wounds, mental wounds need time to heal.
• you might feel bad because you think that other people deal with this in a better way. We all have different reactions and there is no ‘better way’. It is not a sign of weakness to feel pain when you have been the victim of violence, in any form.
• perhaps you feel guilty about what happened. Remember: it is not your fault, the ones to blame are the agressors!
• if you think ‘I don’t have the right to feel bad because what happened to person X was much worse’, be aware that you have all the right to feel how ou feel. It doesn’t help to compare violence in intensity.
• avoidance and denial are often harmful on the long run. Although drugs, alcohol, medication or overloading yourself with work seems to help for now, it’s not beneficial on the long term.
• family and friends often do not know how to support you. Tell them what you need and what you don’t need.
• be careful when looking at footage of the events in the media. This might increase strong reactions.

How to support others

• don’t wait for someone to ask for help. Just be there for this person, even if people are isolating themselves. But be there without forcing or patronizing.
• do not force someone to talk about the experience if this person is not willing to or not capable of talking about it.
• a lack of support can worsen the situation: this is called a secundary trauma and needs to be taken very seriously. It’s all about broken expectations: we know that we can expect violence from the agressors, but if you have the feeling that your friends don’t support you, it might feel as though the whole world falls apart.
• irrational behaviour, ingratitude, distancing and emotional outbursts are all possible reactions. Don’t take it personally and keep supporting.
• it really doesn’t help if you tell someone that ‘they should get over it’. It will only create more distance.
• important: caring and supporting could be exhausting, for you as well. Make sure to take care of yourself and do thing that make you happy. Finding support for yourself will help you when supporting others.

What to do as a group?

• it’s better NOT to do a plenary debriefing in the first days after the event. This might worsen reactions and cause feelings of guilt or shame. If people feel the need to talk about the event, it’s better to do this in personal conversations.
• whenever possible, try as much as you can to proceed to a legal follow-up on any complaints about police violence or mistreatments at the police station.
• contact the Support & Recovery team.
• we react to (police) violence, repression or other high-stress events. It’s not only normal, but also a fact. Don’t contribute to macho group cultures where dealing with these reactions seems to be a taboo. It’s not beneficial for anyone: not on a personal level, not for the people around us, not for the political movement in general. Care for ourselves and each other should be taken seriously.